Monday, August 17, 2009

Big Noters

Do you know someone who speaks loads of crap? Someone whose conversations only consist of information about themselves. Someone whose world revolves entirely around themselves and is disillusioned enough to think the rest of the universe does the same.

Murries call these people Big-Noters. If you are really over the top with your behaviour then you’ll be known to be ‘Big Notin’ Ya Hole’. This obviously refers to the fact that you are usually speaking out of your arse. If you’re a Big-Noter you’re an exaggerating show off. Self-proclaiming experts on everything.

Big-Noters don’t actually listen to you when they talk to you. They impatiently converse with you. Their mouths quiver while you’re talking, bustin’ to cut you off. They stare through and around you while you’re talking. They wait like predators ready to pounce on that pause in your sentence so they can quickly interject with a comment or long-winded story about themselves. In desperation they’ll physically stop you by grabbing your arm and talking over the top you until you forget what you were talking about, then an hour later apologise for it….. ‘Sorry, go on sis what were you saying?’ They never ask how you are or what you’re doing. They are never legitimately interested in anything about you. They initiate conversations with ‘I am….., I did…., I was…., I know…., me, my, me, me, me…..blah blah blah’. They make you weak.

I am too embarrassed and feel quite fraudulent regurgitating knowledge and experiences and claiming expertise and qualifications of things I don’t actually have. Not a problem for the Big-Noter. They have no shame. Exaggeration and fabrication is part of their narcissistic lifestyle. They claim to have knowledge and experience of EVERYTHING. They start appropriating, adopting and taking ownership of stories and experiences that aren’t theirs. There is no art-form they haven’t mastered, sport they haven’t played, song they haven’t sung, subject they haven’t studied, person they don’t know or are related to, culture they haven’t experienced, language they can’t speak, place they haven’t visited etc etc etc.

Big-Noters directly and indirectly relate themselves to anything and everything. They tend to believe their stories and live in a dreamtime all of their own. So much so that when you speak to them you are so overwhelmed with crap that you book yourself into the nearest Buddhist retreat for some spiritual cleansing.

Don’t get me wrong there is no problem with being acknowledged, promoted and respected for your achievements as long as they are legitimate. Some people just go overboard though. They just can’t help themselves. Their behaviour may even be likened to Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorders (OCPD). As my medical dictionary says – ‘Personality disorders are not, strictly speaking, illnesses, since they need not involve the disruption of emotional, intellectual, or perceptual functioning. In many cases, persons with a personality disorder do not seek psychiatric treatment for such unless they are pressured to by relatives or by a court.’ Hmmmmm.

If any of this is starting to sound a little too close to home, and you feel you may be on the verge of being deemed a Big-Noter, then here’s just a little check list. You could be accused of being a Big- Noter if:
  1. Your qualifications consist of the accumulation of RPL accreditation of your certificates of attendance at information and training sessions.
  2. There is way more than 6 degrees of separation between you and the person you are claiming as a friend or relative.
  3. Your knowledge of other cultures and languages is you just speaking English with a foreign accent.
  4. Your children are automatically outstanding in looks, talent and educational achievements before they even leave the womb.
So if you are starting to tick all the boxes and are ‘Big Notin’ Ya Hole’ Click Here ‘cause you may need an intervention.

Welcome to my Womba World

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